- Veronica Merritt, known as ThisMadMama on TikTok, has given birth to her 12th child.
- The 37-year-old said she wanted 16 kids but would stop at a dozen.
- Her most recent pregnancy was difficult, and she learned that her 11th child has cancer.
When Veronica Merritt was pregnant with her 12th child, the controversial TikTok star vowed to have four more kids.
The 37-year-old — known to her 160,000 followers as "ThisMadMama" — told her fans and detractors that she'd keep going until her brood reached 16.
But now, after the birth of her latest child, Modi, on April 17, Merritt tells Insider that she's changed her mind.
"The pressure is gone," she said. "I've given myself permission to stop."
Merritt described Modi, whose name she said meant "god of battle wrath" in Norse mythology, as "absolutely beautiful." She added, "Just looking at him makes me feel calm and at peace."
The single mom said that her desire for a large family was a "compulsion." She believed it was driven by a "preoccupation" with numbers, sequences, patterns, and colors.
"Now that Modi's here, I have six boys and six girls," said Merritt, who suspected she had some type of obsessive-compulsive disorder although she hadn't been formally diagnosed.
Merritt first got pregnant when she was 14
Merritt was 14 years old and in high school when she had her first child, Victoria, who is now 22. Then came Andrew, 17; Adam, 15; Mara, 14; Dash, 12; Darla, 11; Marvelous, 9; Martalya, 7; Amelia, 5; Delilah, 3; Donovan, 2; and 10-day-old Modi.
She said she liked to color-code the children by dressing them in different shades. For example, Adam is green, Darla is purple, and Dash is orange. Modi has already received a color, so his blankets and onesies are yellow.
"The colors reflect their individual personalities," Merritt said. "But they also keep me grounded and organized."
Merritt has chronicled her family's hectic lifestyle on TikTok since December 2020. Her videos often show her preparing healthy meals, homeschooling the younger kids, or driving the yellow school bus that she uses to accommodate them all.
But her posts sometimes trigger outrage and provoke judgment. Merritt rarely misses the chance to clap back and defend her choices on social media. But she told Insider, "I honestly don't care what people say or think."
Victoria and Andrew were fathered by Merritt's first husband, whom she didn't want to identify, while the rest of her children belong to her second husband, Marty, from whom she's separated.
A critic on TikTok recently claimed that Merritt's off-spring came from "11 different fathers." But the mom shrugged it off. "People can think what they like, but my kids have only two dads," she said.
Marty attended his son's birth on Easter Sunday, despite Merritt's initial objections. "I didn't really want him there," she said. "But I didn't have anyone else I could bring."
Merritt said she'd always refused pain relief throughout labor and was horrified at the thought of an epidural, but with Modi she was prescribed Xanax for her anxiety.
She'd planned to have Modi at home before she was told that her medical history — developing a deep vein thrombosis last fall and contracting COVID-19 in December — might put them in danger.
Her biggest source of stress, she said, has involved her second youngest, Donovan. At the beginning of February, he received a diagnosis for a rare form of cancer.
"Right now, I'm feeling optimistic and positive," Merritt said about his prognosis. "But I get scared a lot and try not to think about the things that frighten me."
Merritt has numerous critics on social media who blast her choices
Merritt said that after she discussed Donovan's disease on TikTok, she was trolled. Some of the attacks came from critics who objected to the government assistance she received. Over the years, the payouts have included stimulus checks and food stamps.
"People said that I shouldn't be having more kids when my son is sick," Merritt said. "I'm like, 'What am I supposed to do?' I was already seven months pregnant when I found out."
But the support she's received online has far outweighed the negativity: "Most of my followers have been very, very caring and amazing," she said.
She had 3 of her babies at home
Merritt delivered Amelia, Delilah, and Donovan at home without assistance from doctors or midwives, she said. Marty cut the umbilical cord each time. "I couldn't do it myself," she said. "It's gross."
The decision to have the three home births followed what Merritt described as "harrowing" experiences in the hospital.
"I don't like a lot of strangers coming in and out of the room, examining me and seeing me naked," Merritt said. She once mentioned her concerns to a labor nurse. "She was mean and said: 'Why? Shouldn't you be used to it by now?'" Merritt said.
The tipping point came in 2015: An OB-GYN "was nagging me, telling me I was taking too long, and threatening to give me a C-section," she said. The mom felt vindicated when Martalya was born vaginally soon after the disagreement.
But her hospital labor with Modi went well, she said. She added that the infant had captured the hearts of his siblings. "They want to hold him and kiss him," Merritt said.
But it won't be long before the kids can fuss over another newborn. Victoria is due with her first child in June. "I can hardly wait," Merritt said about becoming a grandmother.
In the meantime, she said she was proud of the dozen children she'd bought into the world.
"When I look at my family together, it's like taking a step back from a garden that I've worked very hard on," Merritt said. "I admire all the things I have done and take in the beauty."
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